Friday, 13 September 2013

OBITUARY: Reverend Dr Julius Emery

(Above: The Revererend Emery yesterday)
The Satire today bids farewell to our Religious Affairs Correspondent the Extremely Reverend Prof Dr Julius Emery, who passed away peacefully in prayer aboard a rocket hurtling into space at a speed of 12000 miles an hour and reaching an inner-hull temperature in excess of 8000 degrees farenheight.
Unfortunately Dr Emery had been mistakenly informed by his medical advisor (Dr Seamus Beejezus O'Flaherty) that merely stripping down to his swimming trunks and sunhat and dabbing on some Factor 12 would be enough to protect him from the excessive heat during launch. This unfortunately proved not to be the case.
Reverend Emery is remembered by the staff and patients of Broadmoor and by the staff and patients here at the offices of The Satire.
He leaves behind the world's largest collection of antique micrscopes (current valuation £26.4m Euros) and a strange Irishman claiming to be his long-lost half-brother and heir to the Emery estate.
Thankfully the vending machine remains intact and is currently sitting in the foyer of The Satire reception area where it continues to dispense molten snacks and beverages to anyone wearing the requisite asbestos clothing and visor.
Bobo the chimp was seen leaving the capsule by parachute shortly before take-off.

1 comment:

The Satire! said...

I for one will certainly miss the good Reverend.
Who can forget his tireless work among the "fallen ladies" of Salamander St. Oft times he would bring back some of these colourful characters to The Satire offices where he would "evangelise" them long into the wee small hours. Their cackling laughter and shrieks of "Oh God! Oh God! Oh yes yes!" a testament to his awesome deliverance technique.

Well worth the dent he made in our expenses budget. Or so he subsequently claimed.