|Wally wary of "Cunting Lions."|
|The remains of Wally's mate Willy after Cecil fancied a snack.|
A wildebeest called Wally has contacted The Satire's African correspondent Chaka Mingelele to tell him he's "not giving a flying monkey's" about Cecil the Lion.
"I don't give a flying monkey's about that cunting lion or any other one for that matter. Fuck Cecil, and all his mates".
Fumed the 8 year old bovid from his bush hideout in Wankie(yes we know it's been changed to Hwange, but our correspondent assures us "it's still wankie.") game reserve in Zimbabwe. He continued...
"These crusty trustafarian cunts should walk a mile in my fucking hooves every day and see how much they think lions are cute and cuddly, and deserve not to be blasted through the brain with an elephant gun. Only the other day my mate Willy (see picture above) was standing chewing the cud and minding his own business, when that hirsute prick Cecil jumped on him and tore him to ribbons. I'm glad it took 40 hrs for the arsehole to die. I'm not speciesist or anything, but I think lions are cunts. That bloke wots a dentist from America should get a fucking medal in my book. Never mind a trophy."
Meanwhile all over the non lion infested world the twitter mob continues to rage.
"I think that bloke wots a dentist from America should be ran over with a combine harvester, fed through a shredder then fed to his wife and KIDS!?"
Said 23 year old annoying, middle class ,peace, love and wildlife activist Ginny Featheringnest- Hadley of Buckingham shire. Inflecting up at the end of every fucking hate filled sentence like she was asking a question, she chuntered on...
"I don't really know anything about this MAN!? Except that he's cruel, evil, and deserves to DIE!? But there's no excuse to shoot anything YEAH!? Except that bloke wots a dentist coz he's a CUNT!?"
Her overbearing and wealthy mother chimed in..
"We hunt foxes and pheasants in our part of the world like decent civilised people. You don't catch us hunting defenceless lions. It's a scandal and a disgrace."
Labour party MP Penny Useless (41) added her thruppenies worth.
"I know fuck all about leopards or hunting or even Africa, but this so called "dentist" should be struck off. Or whatever it is they do to dentists."
The said dentist was unavailable for comment as he and his entire family have retreated to a nuclear bunker in Texas until some cunt kills a tiger and takes the heat off him.